Once upon a time, I wrote a post about a young bride suing her florist over flower color. I commented freely about her flower debacle and used the term Bridezilla with reckless abandon.
At only four weeks into my own wedding planning I have learned that no matter how minor the decision is that we are making, most people are going to be angry and consider me a Bridezilla. In the light of this revelation I wouldlike to retract my use of that term. I am learning that everything about your wedding in held under the most scrutinizing lens by everyone, no matter how remote their involvement. While people are saying to your face, “This is your wedding, you should do what you want,” they are turning to the next listening ear and using anything but kind words and terms of understanding.
Another thing I have learned is that weddings and wedding planning bring out the worst in people. If a person is catty and rude, this behavior will quadruple in regards to your wedding. If a person is self absorbed, they will walk around as if your wedding is really about them and the impact it has on their life. If a person is obsessive compulsive, they will badger you about the littlest details until your head explodes. Weddings also stir up emotions, deep and often dark emotions. The past failed loves of others float to the surface in light of your happiness in love, and feelings become exceptionally sensitive when it comes to the degree to which you involve another person in the event.
I am starting to come to terms with the fact that no matter what decision we make about the wedding, no one is going to be happy with it. I also have come to terms with the fact that their unhappiness is going to be blamed solely upon me. Whether it is due to a cultural perspective on the way weddings should be planned, or people’s own experience with their own wedding planning, there is a perception that everything is my decision alone. Not only does that make me out to be a bridezilla in all eyes as they cast down upon me, it also makes people feel like they have the ability to bully me to do things a certain way, namely their certain way. They don’t, and probably won’t, understand that all of the decisions are being made by me and my future groom, but since this is “the bride’s day” the months leading up to it will be filled with scorn for the bride.
10:34 am on January 16th, 2008 1
You got it right girl. I single-handedly planned my wedding while working two jobs and I did it all in 6 months. And my roommate bitched about every fucking decision I made. I HEAR YOU.
My advice? My true, sincere advice?
ELOPE.
Or:
Destination wedding. That way, you have only the people that really, really, really want to be there.
11:15 am on January 16th, 2008 2
HELL YES. We need to meet up and toss back very strong drinks to “celebrate”. I am feeling the same way right now..and.losing.my.mind!
12:07 pm on January 16th, 2008 3
I’m with Farrell. Weddings bring out the absolute WORST in some people. You would think it would be the bride, but that isn’t always the case. You can’t please everyone, so just please yourself and your future hubby.
If I hadn’t had so many elderly folk at my wedding, I would’ve totally done a destination wedding.
1:00 pm on January 16th, 2008 4
It seems that it isn’t so much that we can’t please everyone – it is more like we are not going to please anyone. Even when I put my foot down about minor things that we have made a final decision on – there is backlash. It isn’t like we are opting out of a church wedding for some weird satanic ritual, but judging by people’s reactions you would think that was the case.
2:36 pm on January 16th, 2008 5
Well if you’re not having a church wedding then you MUST be satanists.
I didn’t have any problem planning my wedding. I did it in a month and it was very simple. You can’t sweat the small stuff. But – if it gets to where planning for the happiest day in your life becomes the biggest amount of stress if your life, there’s a problem.
But the chick with the flowers was a bridezilla. To ruin her own wedding day over f*cking flowers is ridiculous.
9:58 am on January 17th, 2008 6
Ick.
This stinks, Mel.
2:57 pm on January 17th, 2008 7
Welcome to wedding planning 101. I didn’t really have to deal with this too much since we paid for the whole wedding ourselves. My dollar? My way. It was actually nice not having to have the opinions of my mother or MIL pushed all over us. We didn’t have any of the drama that our friends dealt with. Good luck. I know an awesome and AFFORDABLE photographer if you need one. Let me know.
10:29 am on January 18th, 2008 8
BRIDEZILLA’S UNITE!!
I planned my wedding they way I wanted it, and if someone had something to say about it, I let them know “This is they way I’m doing it, it is not up for discussion or neogiation.” And I had the wedding I wanted. Nobody really gave me and hard times about it though. Since I recently went through this very process, if you ever need advice call me! I love to tell someone how to just go that extra mile of bitchiness!
7:38 pm on January 18th, 2008 9
Way to much stress! Don’t forget, it’s the FUN that is the 1st day of the rest of your life. At the end of the day, you want to be able to say ‘Damn FINE start’ not…
‘Damn GLAD that’s finally over with!’ Do what you can, when you can, YOUR way… and when the stress sets in, walk away together! Your wedding day will be the memory you Both wanted, that’s all that matters.
6:55 pm on January 22nd, 2008 10
Just remember to have fun with it. . . coming from someone who will never have a traditional wedding (if a wedding at all), just have fun with it and make sure that you’re making the choices that make YOU two happy.
8:57 am on February 1st, 2008 11
If people have a problem, send them to the MOH (maid of honor). I will tell them to quit being a “guestzilla.” It’s one thing to make suggestions to help in undecided things, but if you know what you want then why can’t people just understand it’s not their wedding it’s yours.
8:05 am on February 12th, 2008 12
Hi Melody:
Just happened upon your wonderful blog and was shocked to see the picture and realize it’s you (and not some hardedged vampy thing with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth.)
You seem right about most things, but wrong wrong wrong about wedding planning. I did much of the planning for our wedding in 2002 and learned a lot about the process from watching other folks torture themselves and
watching the dark satanic vultures who try to prey on you. The Bridezilla is a very real and very sad phenomenon. People who lose themselves in the minute and ultimately trivial aesthetics of their wedding are poisoning themselves and neglecting the most important task, which is to plan your marriage. No one will remember 5 years down the line whether the flowers at your wedding were “perfect.” Ninety percent of the time what is perfect today will look embarassingly cheezy in a few years anyway.
The only thing they’ll remember (consciously or otherwise) is whether the bride and the groom seemed 100% into this ritual and this affair, whether they seemed like 2 people destined to breach all odds and stay together “forever,” or whether they seemed likely to join the majority of newleyweds whose relationships fall apart in less than a decade. My advice (as if you asked!): Focus on the things that you and your mate
both care about or at least the things that you think you SHOULD both care about.